left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
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