so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
birth control should be required to get into college
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Boobs are out for the taking
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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