I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
