So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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