Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
