just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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