wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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