Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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