Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
