his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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