So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
