the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
