I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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