Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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