Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
