i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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