After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
