Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
