dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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