i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
