Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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