Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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