i was born a porn star she said
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
