Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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