Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I believe in your delicious
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
