I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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