dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
