Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
