I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
barbara walters just said penis...
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
