You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
