I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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