It was confusing and full of hummus
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
