if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
