Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
