shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
