I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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