If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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