i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
