Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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