can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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