i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I forget how to act sober
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
