So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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