dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
