We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
