I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
So much rum. So many feels.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
