you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
