He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
