When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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