my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
