mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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